11/08/05

So I went to a co-worker's baby shower today. I called Trey beforehand for a pep talk. He didn't do so hot. Oh well, he can't be good at everything.

I did better than I thought that I would. I had two friends with me and we sat in the far back. It mainly consisted of her opening presents. I just ate some cake and tried to stay distracted. She came and hugged me afterwards. I'm sure she knew it was hard for me.

I wasn't really sad until my drive home. I got to thinking like I tend to do....

At times I wish that I would just go into labor right now. I know that she is alive right now and I may even get a chance to meet her alive if I had her now. It is a little twisted to hope that you may go into labor at 28 weeks. I have good intentions though. I also got to thinking about how I keep pushing all of my pain aside. This can't be healthy, but how do I make myself deal with it? I don't want to drag Trey down with me. I know that he isn't dealing either. We are going to have to cope eventually. I get a lot out by writing. I just wonder if I am fooling myself sometimes.