8/23/05

Well my story is kind of long so I hope that I have the stamina to spit it out all at once. I probably don't though. Here goes nothing.

My husband, Trey, and I were married when we were 20. We were each other's first bf/gf, kiss, love... We got together at 16 and just never parted. We bought our first house last summer and decided that we would like to start our family. We were both excited but held off for 9 months when the timing was a little better. I am a school teacher and wanted the timing to be a little better so that I could spend the maximum time at home.

So we got pregnant on May 10th. I was charting and thought that our timing was off, so I didn't think that I was pregnant. I started getting awful cramps and figured that I was going to start. My sister told me to test when I had the cramps for three days with no sign of AF. So, on May 29th I tested and it showed a positive almost instantly. I thought that I was reading the test wrong so I took it to Trey and he couldn't figure it out either. So I finally figured it out, took another and called my mom and sister. They were both just as thrilled as Trey and I.

I had the easiest first trimester. I was a little tired and was queasy a few times. I did have to see three doctors and it kinda peeved me. I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus at 15. I had been seeing a rhuematologist since then. I had tried a whole slug of medications. Everything from arthritis meds, to steroids to an antimalarial medication. I have actually stayed on the antimalarial (Plaquenil) for 5 years. I do take the max dose and it works for me most of the time. Anyway, I was high risk because of lupus and I had to go see a perinatologist. So now I was up to seeing three doctors a month.

The peri turned out the be a wonderful man. I really like and respect him. The first time that I saw him I got an u/s and I the tech took picture after picture. I thought that maybe it was normal, but a little alarm went off. He just measured too much. When the doc came in he told me he wasn't worried about the lupus. He had a ton of patients on plaquenil and their babies were fine. He did tell me that he was concerned about a pocket of fluid on the back of the babies neck. Then he went into an explanation that I hardly remember. I do remember asking him what this all meant. He told that there was about a 36% chance that the baby would be ok. He left the room for a minute to check with the genetic counselor about getting an appointment. I looked at Trey and lost it. I just started crying. I tried like hell to regain composure before the doctor got back, but I couldn't quite manage it. We got an appointment for a few hours later to talk with Katherine, the genetic counselor. He told us to "hang in there" but the look in his eye told me that there was something very seriously wrong.

We left the office and I lost it again on the way out to the car. There were children playing downstairs and it was more than I could handle. I started hyperventilating. It was awful. We sat in the parking garage for over an hour just sobbing. I called my mom and she could hardly understand me. Trey had to call work to tell them that he would be much later than he thought originally. I felt so shallow. My biggest concern before I went into the peri's office was that he would tell me that I was gaining too much weight.

..........have to finish later.........so tired