12/08/05

I am starting to get so sad again. I normally love Christmastime, but I am in such a funk this year. I think it is a combination of factors. I think it is worrying about my Keiran, this literal pain in the butt with my sciatic nerve (I had no idea that it would hurt so mcuh) and the fact that I got another child in my class yesterday. That makes 24. Which, by the way, it two over the state limit.

So... I am in a constant state of worry about Keiran, I am so super stressed at work ane I am having to roll around in this chair because the pain of walking is too much. My classroom is so over-crowded that I cannot even fit between the tables and the kids are taking full advantage of my immobility and are beign totally turkeys (just to let you know I did not want to write turkeys, but chose to censor myself, I am at least a little sane). I honestly love the children. I really do. There are just too many, my classroom is too small, and I have some high-needs children that deserve better.

There is just too much going on. I feel like I just may walk out of the school one day. It is the kids that suffer the most and that just isn't right. No child left behind my ass! They are leaving 97 kindergarteners behind at my school. I think that if we were a TAKS (Texas standardized test) grade, then things would be a little different.

As Keiran's due date approaches I am feeling more and more scared. I am in total denial and haven't even packed my hospital bag. I don't want to. I don't think that I can handle it. (CRAP-OLA I just looked down and my dogs have tracked mud in. Oh well. I like my dogs way more than my carpet). I'll ask Trey to help. My sister told me what to pack. I really should get started. There are other things to do too.

I talked to my MIL today. She told me that she really thinks that Keiran is going to be born this month. That is really odd because my mother told me the same thing and Trey and I have both had dreams about it. Even more reason to get my rear in gear.

One of the books that I ordered got here last week and the other is still MIA. The one that isn't here yet is the one I wanted to read first. I was reading parts of the other one though. It is called Trying Again. Trisomy 13 was the rarest chromosomal abnormality listed. Its incidence of live birth per 1000 newborns was 0.1 and its incidence of stillbirth/death shortly after birth per 1000 babies was 5. Does NOT inspire much confidence. What on earth inspires me to torture myself with these statistics?