I'm back at anger. I hate this. I was just driving home, happily on my way and it hit me so hard. I was so angry all over again. I may have gotten into this before, but I am going over it again. I am one of those people that have never really done anything wrong. I am the epitome of a goody two shoes. I never drank without my parents' permission before I was 21, I have never smoked a cigarette, I was a virgin until my wedding night, I got good grades in school, and I have always been so frickin' nice to everyone. I make myself sick just thinking about how hard I have tried to be the best person that I can. I so often put others before me and then I get smacked in the face with my poor, sweet daughter being so sick. I just got so furious and started in with the "why me" crap. You know even if I had been a drinking, smoking, slutty whore I wouldn't have deserved this either. I can't make any sense out of all of this and it pisses me off. I have to accept that it happened just because it did.
I don't feel less blessed because Keiran has problems, I just feel so angry that she will never get a chance at life. That is what makes me the angriest. She'll never get a first kiss or go to the prom. She will never dance at her wedding or have a child of her own. She'll never even cut a tooth or make that sour face that babies always get when they try something new. I will never get to hear her laugh or know what it sounds like for her to call me mommy.
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